Extract from ‘Empire under siege’

sw_Editing_N10_20130809_230442Hi All,

Please see below an extract from volume one of my ‘Adarna’ fantasy series ‘Empire under siege’, which should be out before the end of the month (well, volume 1, that is). ‘Hope’ is pretty much meant to be a ‘sword and sandal’ epic fantasy. Would really welcome your thoughts (trembles in fear of negative feedback…). Is it engaging enough? (not to mention well enough written?). Please bear in mind that this is still in draft format, it has not, as yet, been professionally edited….

Extract from ‘Empire under siege’ (The Adarna series, volume 1):-

“There is no hope!” the shout carried on the wind, ragged, high pitched and broken.

Conlan glanced toward the noise, his concentration interrupted. He saw the world in perfect focus – a world filled with madness, blood and death. There is no hope. Conlan’s stomach churned as thoughts of death and defeat overtook him. A shadow, a jarring crunch, and his vision blurred, vertigo and darkness overwhelming him, enfolding him in a velvet embrace.

Hearing returned first, clashing iron, the cracking thump of clubs on shields, the rhythmic chant of the legion; fight, fight for the Empire! Screams, jagged and terrible… grunting and groaning intermingled with the choking gasps of the dying.

Conlan envisaged the scene as he lay in darkness – men, shields locked on the front line to hold back the horde, short swords stabbing and hacking rhythmically, perfectly drilled, the finest soldiers in the world. It seemed a distant and terrifying dream.

“Conlan!” someone shouted.

He opened his eyes, squinting into the bright afternoon sun until a silhouetted figure blocked the light.

“Conlan, you have to get up.”

Conlan struggled to stand as hands grasped his arms, dragging him up in grips of iron. His legs wobbled unsteadily as the world snapped into focus.

“Conlan, look at me.” It was Jonas, his shield brother, blue eyes earnest and bright. “Can you speak?”

“What happened?” His voice did not sound like his own, the words caught painfully in his throat, tongue rasping in a parchment dry mouth.

“You dropped your guard, one of the bastards caught you hard, thought you were dead.”

“But…?” dizziness threatened to overwhelm Conlan, crashing in waves against his consciousness.

Jonas grunted. “He overbalanced. Lucus gutted him, then fat Tev took his throat out.”

Conlan looked towards the front. The battle line was five deep, spread too thin to contain the horde – already starting to bulge inward. The fate of the Empire stood on a knife edge.

 

And there you have it, short and sweet. It isn’t all action, but there is a lot going on. If you liked this post (or if you want to know when ‘Empire under siege’ is released), why not follow my blog? Or like me on Facebook? Or maybe even follow on Twitter or Goodreads? (Blimey, that’s a lot of social media choices!) There’s a link to all of them on the right….

Alternatively you could sign up for the ‘Adarna series’ specific newsletter here.

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7 thoughts on “Extract from ‘Empire under siege’

  1. mobewan

    Enjoyed it. Gave me a good sense of what was going on and a sneak peek into Conlan’s personality in the way he viewed things.
    Only real feedback (and please, please take this as IMHO and disregard as you see fit) is that the first paragraph seems overly long. Plus there are four hyphenated sentences in there. Jarred me a little when I got to the second one so quickly. By the fourth I had to force myself back in. Also, not sure ears can ring from brightness of light… But that may be me 🙂 Last dialogue piece (Jonas grunted, “He overbalanced…:”) – it’s not clear to me who overbalanced. Conlan? Someone Conlan was fighting? I think Jonas is describing how Conlan is still alive, but I’m not sure.
    But they are picky points. Really loved the imagery you set up here. Definitely interested in reading more about Conlan and Jonas.

    Reply
    1. Jason K Lewis - Writer Post author

      Hi there. Glad you like it. It is really difficult when you have stared at a piece for a year or so and it is great to get constructive feedback, Exactly what I was looking for, thanks! (Will be really interesting to see if the editor makes the same comments…).

      Reply
      1. mobewan

        if they do, let me know. I’ll consider a career change 😉 No probs.

        Thanks for taking it as intended. Looking forward to reading more.

  2. Rebekah

    My goodness. 🙂 What a delightful distraction! You are really an inspiration to me. I hope to one day publish my work, so I am definitely supportive! 😀

    Reply
    1. Jason K Lewis - Writer Post author

      Thanks Rebekah, you are very kind to say so. Hopefully the first book in the series ‘Empire under siege’ will be out by the end of the month. I wish you the best of luck with your writing. Go for it! 🙂

      Reply

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