My extensive experience of social media

Right then, so here’s how it seems to go so far:-

Step 1:-

Start your blog- become obsessed by trying to figure out what a blog is and how it works. Spend hours trying to work out how the whole thing can be fashioned into something useful. Find a picture of the view from your ‘writing room’ (read ‘office’……. well actually the upstairs spare bedroom, gotta stop telling pork pies…) and use that view (an ‘Avatar’ but not as good as the movie, and certainly not in 3D) to represent you in your internet meanderings.

Then look at the stats page- do it every hour, hell, wake up at 6:30am on a Saturday morning and check it.

Reaction to statistics page on WordPress;- “Oh my god, I have a view! Someone viewed by blogpost! Wow that was quick. How exciting!”- No, not really, that was just you viewing your own blog from a different device, you nitwit…..

Step 2:-

Start your twittery thing- become obsessed with your twittery thing (this is not a metaphor for something else I hasten to add- my teenage years are long behind me).

Check your twitter account obsessively, every thirty minutes or so. Jump for joy every time you get a new follower, oh my god I have twenty followers! (because it really matters- really it does- it is now the most important thing in your life).

Forget the pregnant wife downstairs, crying out for attention. Forget the book in process, staring at you from the secondary screen hooked up to your laptop (‘write me,’ it whispers, ‘you have to write me.’)

Check twitter again. “I only have nineteen followers!” horror of horrors, someone has decided I am not interesting enough to follow. They’ve stopped caring, they must hate me. Oh calamity! The pain, the pain….

Step 3:-

Become so obsessed with your waning fortunes in social media experimentation that you have to write another blog so that you can read it to yourself when you check your blogsite again in an hours time- because of course that is the most important thing you have to do. In a painful moment of realisation *(no Mr Spellchecker, that is how we spell it in England. With an ‘s’ not a ‘z’.) Oh, no, don’t write that, you might alienate all those American people who will read your blog in their thousands when they realise (‘s’ again, hurrah) how interesting it is.* you notice it is past 2pm already. Time to check twitter again, maybe he changed his mind….

Wait,……just hang on a minute. None of this is important. If no one ever reads the blog it doesn’t actually matter. If no one follows on twitter, the world does not end. The only thing that’s important is the book (after the pregnant wife, of course, i’m not that thoughtless).

43,000 words and counting. But only 600 in the last two days- all thanks to blogging and tweeting.

The moral of this story from a novice? Do the important stuff first- just write for gods sake write.

P.S. Jason, when you read this again in an hour, follow your own advice! and brush your hair- you look like you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards…..


4 thoughts on “My extensive experience of social media

  1. Pingback: Jason K Lewis - Writer (of sorts)

  2. Pingback: My personal NaNoWriMo just couldn’t wait | Jason K Lewis - Writer (of sorts)

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